Exploring Myself - Rachel (RE88)

I suppose that right now is as good a time as any to get this off my chest... especially in light of recent events.




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Rachel: So I think I overreacted the other day. And, for the record, I don't want Aly to move out. It's just that the other night brought up some things that I try not to think about. See, as far back as I can remember, I've always just felt... different than everyone else. Maybe it's because I was always a bit of a tomboy. I wasn't quite like other girls, but it didn't really get in the way of me making friends. That is, up until Junior High. Over the summer between sixth and seventh grade, everything changed. Only, it changed for everybody else, except for me I guess. And almost immediately everybody started pointing out how... different I was. And it got meaner and meaner until everyday I was getting into fights at school. Being different wasn't a good thing. Finally, it got to the point where I felt like I didn't have any other options except to be what was considered normal. But for the past few years, I feel like I've just been... acting normal, and that different feeling has never really gone away. And I guess I've just been... afraid to explore the reasons why. Granted, where I'm from being a vegetarian is considered an alternative lifestyle. So when it comes to something as controversial as my sexual orientation, I never allowed myself to think there was anything but one option. But deep down, I always wondered if that's why I felt so different. So, the other night, when I noticed how Aly was looking at me, it dawned on me that I'm at a place in my life where I have the freedom to question things. And it was like all this fear and anxiety about the unknown... hit me all at once. And it really freaked me out. Maybe I should see if Aly wants to go out to dinner tomorrow night. In fact, I feel really awful about how I've been avoiding her these past few days.