Blog from Jonas on LG15.com

Hunting/Hurting for Answers
9.30.2008 9:46

Still feeling dizzy. Ever since Friday my head’s been spinning. For more than one reason.

I’m not sure what those guys did to me. Soon as I was tossed in that van, they drugged me with something. Needle must have been filled with a sedative. Maybe a depressant. I’m not sure how long I was out for. It wasn’t like time travel; it was more like being sucked into a black hole.

And then there's Sarah.

The other reason for the non-stop head spinning. I won’t lie -- the minute I saw her, I hesitated. My heart started beating faster. Not out of comfort or warmth or any other fuzzy feeling you get when you see an old “friend.”

It was out of fear. The worst kind of deja vu imaginable, if only for a split second. My first thought was ‘she’s with them again.’ Maybe that was presumptuous.

But it wasn’t unwarranted.

She betrayed me before. What’s to say she won’t do it again? What’s to say the Order hasn’t kidnapped another of her loved ones? Or found some other way to blackmail her into doing their dirty work? The thing is this -- no matter how you break it down or try to justify it, she was corruptible.

So I don’t care how many ice packs she puts on my forehead. Or how many times she jailbreaks me. That suspicion is always going to linger in my mind. “What if it’s a setup? What if this is part of her plan? What if this is exactly what they want me to do? Exactly who they want me to trust?”
This time there’s a catch though.

LifesBlood Labs. It’s clear they’re not with the Order. And I doubt Sarah is with them. Which makes figuring things out all the more difficult. Too many factions. Too much splintering. Too many sides now. I don’t know who’s fighting for who. Or what they want. Questions seem endless.

Why did Lifesblood try to kidnap me? What do I have to do with them? Did they set-up the auction just to get to me? Why this sudden rivalry with the Order? Can the Order truly be opposed? If so, by whom? Us or them?
This never-ending ‘what if’ situation is yet another reason my head won’t stop hurting.

I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to feel alone in this fight. But I don’t see any other option right now. I need some more time with Sarah to determine where her loyalties are. She knows that too. So at least our cards are on the table.

And as for Hymn of None goes, it’s an understatement to say you can’t trust someone who won’t show you their face. Or tell you their name. Or tell you why exactly you have to attend a fake auction where you’ll get kidnapped.

Regardless, this person -- whoever he is, she is, they are -- they contacted me earlier. Told me they had a lead on a warehouse. One owned by LBL. Found a paper trail through Willow Woods’ financial records. I’m waiting for the details to come through. If this “all-powerful” handbook is real, that’s where it’s going to be. Hopefully.

Then again, what’s to say this won’t be another set-up?

Seeing Double

I'm not sure I can trust anyone right now. And here's why. -- Jonas